I told myself I wasn’t going to write anything about the Coronavirus but this morning I felt the need to discuss my personal roller coaster of emotions surrounding the events of the last two weeks. Please do not translate this to mean that I think I’m all that important or that I have huge problems. I’m not that important and I acknowledge that am truly blessed, but many of you have told me how much you enjoy reading my articles, especially because of the fact that I’m so transparent. I wanted to write this because I feel there are others out there like me struggling for the same reasons. Maybe by putting this out to the world, others will feel like it’s OK to feel this way too.
I am an extrovert. I am typically a very happy, optimistic, funny person who enjoys life. I rarely get mad, angry, enraged, or even irritated. If I do, it usually passes very quickly. I also never get depressed, sad, or even down most of the time. I’ve lived 54 years of my life always feeling happy and carefree, as long as I have one thing around me. People.
I love meeting with friends, going to dinner, attending a party, and attending church. As a matter of fact, the more people I have around me, the better I feel. I rarely need to be alone or by myself unless I’m reading or writing. When I am home alone, I’m bored. When I’m at work, I like to talk to co-workers around me. I even attend a very large church with over 3,000 people and it makes me feel comfortable being in a crowd.
My problem is that with the current social distancing and self-quarantine we need for health reasons, I feel completely lost. I want so badly to meet with a group of friends in a restaurant or invite everyone to our house for a gathering. But if I try to arrange that, I feel like I’d be judged as not caring. I hate not having all my team members at work with me. Honestly, I’m still driving to the office just to feel some sort of normalcy in my life.
If you’re having trouble understanding what I’m talking about, it’s because you are an introvert. Introverts can go days without much human interaction. If you’re an extreme introvert, think about it like this. Imagine yourself being in a huge crowd of people. Imagine them all wanting to talk to you. What feelings are you experiencing thinking about that right now? Fear, anxiety, dread? That’s how I feel right now by NOT being around enough people.
I know we all hope this goes away quickly, but this is affecting me (and possibly others like me) in ways I never imagined. I’ve run the gamut of emotions: anger, frustration, anxiety, and depression. I’m not used to being this way and I don’t like it. I also don’t know how to solve the problem because it seems to get worse every time I hear they’re shutting down another business, meeting, or event.
I’m not afraid of the virus itself or anything associated with it. We’re all going to die one day and I know where I’m going when that happens. I’m more worried about a world where humans can’t interact with each other. A world that is changing too fast and where some of our liberties are being taken away. A world where every year we have to shut everything down because of some new virus that threatens to destroy the world. Maybe we can just all wear white bio-suits so we can start meeting in person again?
Feel free to respond and tell me how you feel. I know we will get through this together.