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How Dad Are You?

In honor of Father’s Day this Sunday, I thought it would be appropriate to talk about common “dad expressions” and see how “dad” you are. How many of these do you say? These are straight out of the dad handbook. Read through the list and add up your total. You may find that you are turning into your father!

Things Dads Say: Common Expressions

  1. “Because I said so!” (Ends any discussion with a kid.)
  2. “Ya know, when I was a kid…” (A good lead into any dad story.)
  3. “When I was young, we had to…, we never…, we didn’t…”
  4. Refers to your wife as: “The little lady”, “The missus”, or “My better half”.
  5. Calls strangers: “Chief”, “Sport”, “Tiger”, “Jack”, or “Champ”. (Also works for when he forgets a person’s name.)
  6. What’s the damage?” (When a restaurant server brings the bill.)
  7. Can you do mine next?” (To a neighbor washing their car.)
  8. “Are you working hard or hardly working?” (A classic dad line.)
  9. “I guess they let ANYONE in here.” (Upon seeing a friend in a store.)
  10. “I guess we’ll have to amputate.” (To a kid with a minor cut.)
  11. “Rub some dirt on it.” (When a kid gets hurt)
  12. “Back already. How was it? (When someone comes back inside the house after forgetting something).
  13. A server at the restaurant asks, “Do you want ranch, Italian, or thousand island for your salad?” DAD: “Yes please.”
  14. (Pointing to kids) “You can give them the bill.” (When the server comes with the bill.)
  15. “No, I got all of ’em cut.” (When asked if he got a haircut.)
  16. “Nope, just got my ears lowered.” (When someone points out his haircut)
  17. “It was the dog.” (When dad farts.)
  18. “Oops! Stepped on a frog.”
  19. “Pull my finger.”
  20. Shouts “Hay!” (When driving past bales of hay in fields.)
  21. “No, your other right.” (When a kid mistakes left for right.)
  22. “I’ll give you something to cry about.” (When his kid throws a tantrum.)
  23. “If someone told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?” (A classic dad teaching moment.)
  24. “You call that racket music?” (To a kid who’s listening to music.)
  25. (Knocks impatiently on the bathroom door.) “Did you fall in?”
  26. “I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!”
  27. What, are you going to sleep all day?”
  28. “A little hard work never hurt anybody.” (To a complaining child.)
  29. “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” (When teaching his children the value of a dollar.)
  30. “When you pay the mortgage, you can make the rules.”
  31. “Don’t spend it all in one place.” (When handing out money.)
  32. “This lawn’s not going to mow itself.”
  33. Were you raised in a barn?” (When a kid leaves the door wide open.)
  34. “I’m not paying to heat (or cool) the whole neighborhood!”
  35. “We needed this rain.” (Literally every time it rains.)
  36. “I was just checking my eyelids for light leaks.” (When caught napping.)
  37. “Good thing we got here when we did.” (When the people waiting in line grows very long.)
  38. “They don’t make them like they used to.” (A classic dadism.)
  39. “That’s not going anywhere.” (After securing something in place.)
  40. “Won’t get very far without these!” (When almost forgetting the car keys.)
  41. “We’re leaving. Did everybody pee?” (When the family is about to go anywhere in the car.)
  42. “Let’s rock ’n roll.” (When it’s time to go.)
  43. “Glad we’re not going THAT way.” (When seeing piled-up traffic in the opposite lane.)
  44. “People don’t know how to drive in this town!” (In any town he’s in.)
  45. “They won’t be home in time for dinner!” (When seeing a license plate from another state.)
  46. “Gas is $____. It’s $____ at home.” (When driving by any gas station a few miles or more from home.)
  47. “Guess it’s free then.” (When an item doesn’t scan at the cash register.)
  48. “That’s my job!” (After killing a spider on the wall.)
  49. “I thought I made a mistake once, but turns out I was wrong.”
  50. When his daughter’s dress is too short “If you drop something, just keep going.”

Your Dad Score

So how’d you do? If you add up the things you’ve said from this list and score 40 or more, it’s official: you’ve turned into your father. You probably believe these are perfectly reasonable things that everyone says.

If you score 25-39, you are a dad in training. But don’t worry, you still have a way to go before reaching the full-on “Dad” stage.

And if you score 0-24, you’re showing signs that you might be on a slippery slope to being a dad. And you get closer and closer with every passing year.

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